How do you accept kindness?

Written by: Sandi MacCalla – Founder, LifeSkills Academy – 2/3/2025

Kindness is a prized trait, along with compassion. It, however, fits into the category of “Thanks, but no BIG,” when offered to us. Why? Here are key benefits:

• It triggers a sense of happiness
• It reduces overall physical pain
• It lowers stress and blood pressure
• It increases the satisfaction of personally making a difference

So why is it hard to accept kindness/help/compliments when freely given?
Have any of these been your response:

• “No problem…”
• “Aw, it’s nothing!”
• “You’re too kind.”
• “Oh, almost anyone would do the same thing.”
• “You didn’t have to.”

It seems our response goes back in time. Early on, many of us learn to ‘armor up’ when rejection/disappointment/acknowledgment appears so we can protect our vulnerable, soft underside. Probably a good choice, but with a downside. When and how can we develop a healthy inner balance of receiving kindness, care, love, and being valued?

In the etiquette classes I’ve taught for school-age students, we create a large envelope to put treasured pictures, letters, and personal notes that is marked “The Goods.” When life is not giving good feedback and we need to recall who has been kind, we enjoy those moments again and feel there is hope ahead.

Some people have a daily gratitude journal to trigger recall of all the ‘Good’ that happens in their life. Personally, I have an on-again/off-again relationship with journaling. When I read my journal though, I am pleasantly surprised to revisit events, observations, and the high notes of life.

Recently, I stumbled upon some other ways to internalize “The Goods”:

• Activating Our Inner World (no large envelopes needed)
  A psychiatrist’s approach created for his clients to heal and balance:
  
  • Treasure Chest
    • Close your eyes and imagine your private treasure chest designed by you and all yours alone. Clear details make it more real to your brain when you need to use it.
    • When you’re offered a kind word, or compliment, instead of batting it away, imagine placing it in your treasure chest.
    • Visualize kindness as high-value like gold or a precious jewel.
    • Allow yourself to feel it. You may sense a ripple of warmth in your belly, chest, or throat. You may even feel taller, with an expanded chest or relaxed shoulders.
    • Over time, your treasure chest grows. You accept kindness and compassionate gestures, rather than ignoring them. You start to feel differently – about yourself, others, and your future. Nothing radical, just slow, steady change. Then one day, you are a bit happier, more confident, and feel valued.

Gracious acceptance is an art–an art which most never bother to cultivate. We think that we have to learn how to give, but we forget about accepting things, which can be much harder than giving. Accepting another person’s gift is allowing him to express his feelings for you. ~ Alexander McCall Smith

• Learning the Language of Gratitude

An act of kindness often catches me off guard and I barely mumble my appreciation. There’s no single “right way” to express gratitude but having a few thoughtful responses ready can make a difference. Expressing gratitude honors the selfless act of someone else on our behalf. No matter the size of the gift, the giver’s gesture always warrants our sincere thanks. Here are some options:

• This means a lot to me
• You mean a lot to me.
• Your support means more than you know.
• I feel honored.
• I’m grateful for you.
• I appreciate your help.
• You are the best.
• This moment will stand out to me forever.
• You are very generous.
• I’m so touched by your gesture.
• Your generosity makes me want to be better.

Until we can receive with an open heart, we are never really giving with an open heart. ~ Brené Brown

When giving and receiving are more natural, we can give from our heart and receive the gift of love and kindness every time it is given. How many gifts are waiting for us?

LifeSkills Academy features online classes in Etiquette/Social Intelligence, Financial Skills, and Adulting. Educators are business professionals who have proven success in the world of commerce. Join our website to receive class details, blogs, and useful life skills tips.

Share this post!