Gaslighting: Recognizing, Counteracting, and Setting Up Boundaries

Written by: Sandi MacCalla – Founder, LifeSkills Academy – 3/31/2025

This word has resurfaced from its nearly 90-year origin into daily accusations as esteemed groups wrangle for center stage. The dividing lines are many, the sentiments are rough, and some lay down their lives for it.

What is Gaslighting?

Gaslighting is a psychological manipulation where an individual or group makes someone question their own reality, understanding, or memory. The term originates from the 1938 play Gas Light and its subsequent film adaptations, in which a husband manipulates his wife into believing she is losing her sanity by dimming the gas lights, moving/removing household objects, and denying any changes when questioned. It’s later discovered he is trying to steal her wealth.

How to Identify it in Action

Gaslighting often occurs in personal relationships, workplaces, and even major societal structures. Common signs include:

• Denial of reality: The gas-lighter insists something didn’t happen when it did.
  
  
• Trivializing emotions: Makes others feel like their feelings are exaggerated or unwarranted.
  
  
• Contradictory statements: Says one thing and then denies it later.
  
  
• Shifting blame: Makes others feel responsible for the manipulator’s actions.
  
  
• Isolating their target: Making them doubt trusted friends, family, or colleagues.

Is any of this familiar to you? I recently pieced together these two situations where I sought professional guidance and struggled with what I knew was the right choice versus a professional opinion. This may seem subtle, and gaslighting can happen to any of us by others.

• Over several years of annual exams, my primary doctor’s assessment and response to my pain inquiries was predictable: “Nothing to look at here.” When my annual appointment rolled around, I couldn’t force myself to go. After several more years of no-go, I’m now switching doctors.
  
  
• I rehomed a 2-year-old cat who progressively became litterbox-challenged. The vet identified serious kidney issues, a heart murmur, and degrading dental issues. Along with the pain from declawing, his life was as best as it could be but not improving. I asked about putting him down. She refused. I felt like I was an executioner and sacrificially nursed him for another 10 months of degrading health before releasing him to my other cat-mates in heaven.

How to Counteract Gaslighting

If you suspect you’re being gaslighted, here are some ways to counteract:

• Keep a record/journal: Maintain written or digital notes of conversations to validate your experiences.
  
  
• Trust your instincts: If something feels off, it probably is.
  
  
• Seek external perspectives: Talk to trusted friends, family, or professionals.
  
  
• Stay assertive: Stand firm in your truth and avoid getting drawn into arguments designed to distort reality.

Setting Healthy Boundaries

To prevent and address gaslighting, setting firm boundaries is crucial:

• Limit engagement: Reduce interaction with known manipulators.
  
  
• Use direct communication: Clearly express your thoughts without justifying or over-explaining.
  
  
• Establish consequences: Enforce repercussions when boundaries are crossed.
  
  
• Prioritize self-care: Mental and emotional well-being are key to resisting manipulation.

Helpful Resources

• Books:
  • Boundaries by Dr. Henry Cloud & Dr. John Townsend – A guide to establishing personal limits
    
    
  • The Gaslight Effect by Dr. Robin Stern – Understanding and breaking free from gaslighting dynamics
    
    
• Podcasts:
  • The Gaslight Effect Podcast by Dr. Robin Stern
    
    
  • Therapy Chat – Discussions on mental health, boundaries, and relationships
    
    
• Support:
  • Gaslighting Recovery Reddit Community – A private space for shared experiences and advice

‘You don’t have to attend every argument to which you are invited’ @ Leandro Herrero

Identifying gaslighting is the first step to reclaiming your sense of reality and personal integrity. By setting boundaries and seeking support, you can protect yourself and maintain control over your own journey.

At LifeSkills Academy, we're dedicated to empowering individuals with crucial life skills. We invite you to explore our classes and join our community of continuous learners. Sign up for newsletters and class notices to stay informed about valuable life skills content. Together, let's build a foundation for success in life and our world.

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Written by: Sandi MacCalla – Founder, LifeSkills Academy – 3/24/2025

Dining etiquette may seem a minor detail in the grand scheme of business, but in high-stakes professional settings, how you handle yourself sets you apart. Whether you’re networking with executives, hosting an important client, or attending a corporate gala, demonstrating refined dining skills signals confidence, cultural awareness, and leadership potential. If you’ve ever felt unsure about fine dining protocols, now is the time to sharpen your expertise—before a major event puts you in the spotlight. Mastering these subtleties not only impresses your colleagues and upper management but may open doors you never expected.

Hosting with Confidence

Handle the Check Before It Arrives
We’ve all witnessed (or been part of) the awkward scramble for the check. While generosity is always appreciated, an impromptu battle over payment creates unnecessary tension at the table. If you’re the host, take control in advance—slip your card to the Maître D’ or call ahead to settle payment discreetly. This small but powerful move quietly reinforces your leadership and spares any awkwardness of watching you fumble for your wallet.

Pro Tip: Etiquette expert Patricia Napier-Fitzpatrick advises women, especially those traveling in male-focused cultures, to establish their role as hosts early by handling payment arrangements before the meal.

Let Your Guests Order First
A great host ensures their guests feel comfortable. Just as you would in your home, your role at a fine dining restaurant is to prioritize their experience. This means encouraging your guests to order first. If needed, clarify to the waitstaff that you are the host by using phrases like, "My guest will order first." It’s a subtle but significant way to demonstrate thoughtfulness and professionalism.

Keep the Rhythm: Match the Number of Courses
Dining is about flow—everyone should ideally receive and finish their meals around the same time. If your dining partners order three courses, follow suit. Ordering more or fewer courses than your tablemates can disrupt the experience, leaving someone awkwardly waiting or rushing to keep up.

The Table

Utensil Anxiety?
One of the most intimidating aspects of fine dining is the array of utensils. If you’ve ever stared down a table setting and felt overwhelmed, remember this simple rule: Use the outermost utensil first and work your way in.

A Lesson: In his memoir Hillbilly Elegy, Vice President JD Vance recounts his first experience at a formal dinner. Upon seeing an overwhelming array of utensils, he panicked and called his girlfriend for help. Her advice? Start from the outside and move inward—timeless wisdom that remains.

No Need to Ask for an Oyster Fork
If your oysters arrive without a fork, resist the urge to request one. Many fine dining establishments pre-loosen the oysters for you, meaning an oyster fork isn’t needed. Asking for one may signal your unfamiliarity with fine dining customs.

Napkin Etiquette: A Small Detail with a Big Impact
Your napkin belongs on your lap—folded in half with the crease facing you. This isn’t just about placement; it allows for discreet dabbing rather than wiping. If you need to step away, leave your napkin neatly folded to the left of your plate. And if you’re worried about visible stains? Simply fold the clean side over the used portion before setting it down.

Wine Talk

Be Subtle About Pricing
Wine menus at fine dining restaurants can be daunting, and discussing prices openly can be awkward. Instead of stating your budget outright, subtly point to a selection in your price range and ask for recommendations within that category. This keeps the interaction smooth and polished.

Sending Back Wine?
It’s tempting to send back a bottle that’s not quite what you expected, but unless the wine is truly spoiled or corked, avoid returning it. Sommeliers often taste the wine before serving to ensure quality, so rejecting a bottle for minor taste preferences can come across as inexperienced.

The Silent Signal

Ending Your Meal Gracefully
In fine dining, servers won’t ask, “Are you done with that?” Instead, signal you’ve finished by placing your knife and fork together diagonally across your plate at a 10:20 position, with the fork tines facing up, the knife above, and the blade facing you. This universal sign helps maintain the elegant dining experience without unnecessary interruptions.

Final Thoughts

Mastering fine dining etiquette isn’t about being pretentious—it’s about being prepared. When you move through a formal meal with ease, you project confidence, cultural fluency, and attention to detail. Whether hosting a client, mingling with upper management, or simply elevating your professional presence, these subtle skills make a lasting impression.

So, before your next high-stakes dinner, take the time to refine these techniques—you may be surprised at how much they enhance both your professional and personal presence.

LifeSkills Academy educators are professionals, some with academic backgrounds, and all have proven success in the world of commerce. We feature online learning in:

• Etiquette/Social Intelligence
• Financial Skills
• Adulting Practices

Join our email list to receive updates and details: https://www.lifeskillsacademy.expert 

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Written by: Sandi MacCalla – Founder, LifeSkills Academy – 3/17/2025

Essential Soft Skills for Today’s Workplace

In fast-paced and interconnected work environments, two soft skills have risen to the top of the ‘must-have’ list: Emotional Intelligence (EI) and Cultural Intelligence (CQ). Organizations seek individuals who can navigate relationships with compassion as well as understand and respect diverse cultures. These skills exhibit personal and professional competency and set a tone for inclusion, innovation, and thriving workspaces.

Let’s delve deeper into what they are, increase our understanding of them, and develop our personal growth.

What is Emotional Intelligence (EI)?

Daniel Goleman, a pioneer in EI, defines it as “the ability to recognize, understand, and manage our own emotions while also recognizing, understanding, and influencing the emotions of others.” It is essential for leadership, teamwork, conflict resolution, and personal effectiveness.

Key Components:

1. Self-awareness – Recognizing our own emotions and their impact.
2. Self-Regulation – Managing our emotions in healthy ways.
3. Motivation – Harnessing emotions to drive positive outcomes.
4. Compassion – Understanding and considering others’ emotions.
5. Social Skills – Managing relationships well and communicating effectively.

Becoming More Aware:

• Reflect on your emotional triggers and responses.
• Seek feedback from peers and mentors.
• Practice mindfulness and emotional journaling.
• Engage in active listening and observe emotional cues in conversations.

How to Develop Emotional Intelligence:

• Practice Self-Reflection: Set aside time to analyze emotional reactions in different situations.
• Improve Stress Management: Use techniques like exercise, deep breathing, and meditation.
• Enhance Communication: Develop active listening skills, seek to understand, and empathize.
• Adopt a Growth Mindset: View feedback as an opportunity for personal and professional development.
• Learn from Role Models: Observe emotionally intelligent leaders and implement their techniques.

“When dealing with people, remember you are not dealing with
creatures of logic, but creatures of emotion.”
~ Dale Carnegie

 What is Cultural Intelligence?

Cultural intelligence (CQ) is the ability to function effectively in culturally diverse settings. It involves:

• Cognitive CQ – Understanding cultural norms and differences.
• Physical CQ – Adapting behavior to diverse cultural contexts.
• Emotional/Motivational CQ – Being open and willing to engage with diverse groups.

In a globalized world, diverse teams bring fresh ideas, improve problem-solving, and foster engagement.

Key Aspects of Cultural Intelligence:

1. Cultural Competence – Understanding and interacting effectively with people from different backgrounds.
2. Open-Mindedness – Being receptive to different perspectives.
3. Adaptability – Adjusting to different cultural expectations and work styles.
4. Inclusive Communication – Using language and behavior that respect all cultures.
5. Bias Recognition – Identifying and challenging unconscious biases.

How to Develop Cultural Awareness:

• Educate Yourself: Read books, watch documentaries, and attend diversity seminars.
• Celebrate Differences: Participate in cultural festivals and networking events.
• Foster Inclusion: Encourage open discussions in workplaces.
• Respect Communication Styles: Learn varying norms in verbal and non-verbal interactions.

“Our ability to reach unity in diversity will be
the beauty and the test of our civilization.”
~ Mahatma Gandhi

Resources for Deeper Development:

• Books:
  • Emotional Intelligence 2.0 by Travis Bradberry & Jean Greaves
  • The Culture Map by Erin Meyer
  • The 5 Levels of Leadership by John C. Maxwell
    
    
• Online Courses:
  • Coursera’s Emotional Intelligence Course
  • Harvard’s Implicit Bias Test
  • LinkedIn Learning: Developing Cross-Cultural Intelligence
  • Harvard’s Emotional Intelligence in Leadership Emotional Intelligence in Leadership: Why It's Important
    
    
• Podcasts:
  • The EQ Applied Podcast by Justin Bariso
  • Cultural Differences & Leadership by Chris Smit
    
    
• Assessment Tool:
  • Emotional Intelligence Appraisal (TalentSmart)

Final Thoughts

Emotional and Cultural Intelligence are not just workplace buzzwords; they are transformative skills that facilitate collaboration, leadership, and innovation. By actively developing these competencies, we contribute to more effective and emotionally intelligent work environments.

Take small, consistent steps in improving these skills—whether it’s through self-reflection, education, or engaging with diverse perspectives. The rewards are both personal and professional, opening doors to richer experiences and deeper connections.

Which of these skills are you currently working on? Share your thoughts and experiences with your team!

"When we cultivate emotional and cultural intelligence, we create workplaces where people are valued, engaged, and motivated to give their best." ~ Unknown

We invite you to sign up for our newsletters and class notices to stay informed about our classes, valuable life skills content, and updates. Join us on the journey of continuous learning and personal growth. Let's build a foundation for success in life and our world together.

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